A discreet gigolo when you come from a Turkish, Moroccan, Iranian, Afghan or Iraqi family

First, this: for you, more is at stake

I am Milan, an independent gigolo since 2023, alongside my other job. Most women who message me are nervous. But women who grew up in a Turkish, Moroccan, Iranian, Afghan, Iraqi or other family where honour and reputation mean a lot often write differently. More carefully. Sometimes from a new number, sometimes only after weeks of doubt. And almost always with the same question underneath: can I trust you?

I understand that. For a woman who only has her own reputation to lose, meeting a gigolo is a personal choice. For you it can also be about your parents, your brothers, your in-laws, the neighbourhood, the people at the mosque or at the next wedding. What people say carries real weight. I don’t judge that, not you and not your family. I just want you to know that I take that weight seriously.

I have a migration background myself. I know what it is like to grow up between two worlds, and how strongly family, honour and tradition can shape your life, even if you were born here. So I am not writing this as an outsider who finds it all strange, but as someone who recognises it.

Whether you live here, study here or are only visiting

Some of the women who write to me in English were born in the Netherlands and simply find it easier to put intimate things into words in English than in Dutch. Others came here to study or work, married into a family here, or are visiting for a few days. Some have family roots in Pakistan, Afghanistan, Egypt, Syria, Algeria or Lebanon, or are second or third generation and feel only half at home in the expectations around them.

Your exact background matters less to me than how you feel and what you need to feel safe. If you are here for work or family and staying in a hotel anyway, the practical side is often simpler; my page for expat women in the Netherlands covers that situation. Many of the same worries come up in messages from Indian women in the Netherlands, and a lot of what I describe there applies to you too.

Understanding the culture, without judging it

In many families, cheating is unthinkable. It is not only a matter between two people; it touches the whole family. At the same time, from what women tell me, I know that very different marriages exist behind those closed doors. Some are loving. Others have become mostly practical: raising the children together, keeping the family happy, keeping up appearances. Nobody touches you any more, nobody asks what you want, and sometimes there was never really a choice.

You can love your family and still long for warmth, attention or touch that you don’t get at home. Those two things don’t cancel each other out. You are not a bad daughter, mother or wife because you miss something. You are an adult woman with feelings, and those feelings don’t disappear just because nobody talks about them. If this sounds like your marriage, you may recognise yourself in what other women describe on my page about a sexless marriage.

There are also women who never married, who are divorced, or who are widowed. Women who have looked after everyone else their whole lives and wonder whether anything will ever be just for them. Booking a gigolo is not only something for Western women. By now I have met more than ten women with a migration background, each with her own story and her own reason.

Why discretion matters even more for you

For many women, discretion is about embarrassment: they would rather their colleagues didn’t know. For you it can be about more than that. Sometimes your relationship with your family, sometimes your children, and sometimes, to be honest, your safety. In some families a rumour has real consequences.

So I work from the idea that your discretion matters more than my convenience. I don’t ask questions you don’t want to answer, I don’t want to know your surname, and I adapt to whatever feels safe for you. I would rather move an appointment three times than have one appointment you are worried about.

Practical discretion: how we keep it invisible

For me, discretion is not a promise on a website but a set of fixed habits. This is how I work:

• A hotel outside your own city or neighbourhood. Choose a hotel where your family and acquaintances don’t go, for example in another city. You book the room yourself, or we work out together what is easiest; the hotel is not included in my rate. My page on meeting a male escort in a hotel explains how arriving and leaving can stay unremarkable
• Cash is best. With cash, nothing shows up on your bank statement. A Tikkie (Dutch payment request) is possible too, but it is visible in your banking app. For you, I recommend cash
• Telegram with disappearing messages. You can also reach me on Telegram. There you can set messages to disappear automatically, so nothing stays on your phone
• No names, no photos. I don’t keep names and I never take photos. A first name or a nickname is enough
• I never contact you first. After our meeting I don’t send messages and I never call. You decide whether and when you get in touch again
• If we run into each other, I don’t know you. On the street, in the supermarket or at a party: I won’t greet you or look at you, unless you do it first

A few things you can do yourself: use a private window when you visit this site, save my number under a neutral name, and don’t leave messages open on a phone other people can pick up.

You don’t have to be intimate straight away

Many women think that meeting a gigolo means ending up in bed straight away. It doesn’t have to. Especially if this is your first time, or if you have little experience with a man who really listens to you, a first meeting can look very different:

• Just talking, over a cup of tea, in a quiet hotel room
• Dinner together in a city where nobody knows you
• A relaxing massage, without anything more having to happen

You set the pace. If after an hour of talking you want to go further, that’s fine. If you want to leave it there, that is fine too. You can always stop, even halfway, without explaining. And if it does become intimate, safe sex is always standard with me. If you would like to know step by step how a booking works, my guide to hiring a male escort for the first time walks you through it.

Simply being seen

What women tell me most often after a first meeting is not that it was exciting, but that they felt seen. Not as a daughter, a mother or a daughter-in-law, not as someone who has to behave, but as a woman.

With me you don’t have to explain anything about your background. You are welcome with or without a headscarf, religious or not, with a lot of experience or almost none. I have no prejudices about where you come from, what you look like or what you believe. If you would rather not talk about your family or your faith, we won’t. If you do want to talk about it, I will listen.

I speak Dutch and English, and a little German. I don’t speak Turkish, Arabic, Farsi or Dari. If English is easier for you than Dutch, that is no problem at all.

If you are not safe at home

I want to say this carefully, but I do want to say it. If you are being threatened at home, if everything you do is controlled, or if you are afraid of being forced into a marriage or taken abroad against your will, then a gigolo is not what you need right now. You have a right to help and protection.

In the Netherlands, call Veilig Thuis on 0800-2000: free, anonymous and available day and night, including for honour-related violence. For advice about forced marriage or being left behind abroad, you can contact the National Centre of Expertise on Forced Marriage and Abandonment (LKHA) on 070-345 43 19. In immediate danger, call 112. The details are repeated at the bottom of this page.

If you can, call from a phone nobody else checks, and clear your call history afterwards if that is safer for you.

Practical: time, costs and arrangements

For a first meeting I usually recommend two hours. That leaves time to talk calmly first, and nothing has to be rushed. The hotel room is not included. You can cancel free of charge up to six hours in advance, which may be extra reassuring for you: if something comes up at home, just let me know. Only for long trips do I ask for a small deposit; otherwise you pay at the start, preferably in cash. In The Hague region you book from three hours, in Heerlen and Sittard-Geleen also from three hours, and in Groningen from four hours.

I have been heard on the De Telegraaf podcast, and there are public reviews of me on Kinky.nl. Whether booking a gigolo is legal in the Netherlands is a fair question too. In short: meeting an independent adult escort who works voluntarily is legal for you as a client.

What does a meeting with Milan cost?

You pay for reserved time and attention. What happens in that time, we discuss beforehand, and you decide. These are my rates in the Netherlands:

For a first meeting I often recommend at least two hours. All current terms are on my page with male escort rates in the Netherlands.

• Cancelling: free up to 6 hours in advance, via WhatsApp or Telegram
• Payment: preferably cash at the start, so nothing shows on your bank statement. A Tikkie is possible too
• Travel costs: only for Zeeland, Friesland, Groningen and Drenthe. Minimum 3 hours in The Hague region, Heerlen and Sittard-Geleen, 4 hours in Groningen; in Belgium 3–4 hours depending on driving time. Only for long trips do I ask for a small deposit. The hotel room is not included, and couples pay the same rate

Safety, boundaries and discretion

• You set the pace and the boundaries. You can withdraw consent at any time, even halfway
• A meeting doesn’t have to be sexual. Talking, cuddling or a massage is a full meeting too
• Safe sex is standard and I am tested for STIs regularly
• No photos or videos, and no messages afterwards unless you write first
• Only for women and couples aged 21 and over, and not under the influence
• A first introduction in a public place is possible if you prefer that

About Milan, the author of this page

Help lines and sources

Frequently asked questions