Expats · Touch · Netherlands
Skin hunger as an expat: when you miss being touched in a new country
Why moving abroad can leave you touch-starved, the non-sexual options in the Netherlands, and when a male escort may or may not be the answer.
Short answer: Skin hunger, or being touch-starved, is the longing for warm, wanted physical contact: a hug, someone next to you, a hand on your back. It isn’t a medical diagnosis, but it’s a real feeling, and moving to a new country can bring it on, because the people who used to touch you are far away. In the Netherlands you can start with non-sexual options such as shared dinners, expat communities, a massage or a cuddle professional. If what you miss is a man’s closeness without dating, I’m Milan, an independent male escort for women aged 21+, and an evening can be only talking and being held.
When you notice what’s missing
You moved for a job, a partner, a PhD or a fresh start. The first months are busy: housing, the BSN number, a bank account, learning which bike lane you’re allowed in. Then life settles, and in the quiet of the evening you notice something you didn’t plan for. Nobody has touched you in weeks. Not a hug from a friend, not your mother’s hand on your arm, not someone leaning against you on the sofa.
That feeling has a name. In English it’s often called skin hunger or being touch-starved. In Dutch it’s huidhonger. I’m Milan, and I wrote about it in Dutch on huidhonger. This English page is about the version that comes with living abroad.
What skin hunger is, and isn’t
Skin hunger isn’t an official diagnosis, and there’s no fixed amount of touch that everyone needs. Touch preferences differ by person and by culture. But touch is not only “nice”: research on affective touch shows that slow, gentle touch is picked up by a specialised set of nerve fibres, and a study during the COVID-19 lockdowns found that people who were deprived of touch reported more anxiety and loneliness and craved touch more.
It can feel like
A strong wish for a hug. An empty feeling that’s worse in the evenings. Missing someone next to you in bed or on the sofa. Missing touch without wanting a relationship.
It doesn’t automatically mean
That you’re unhappy, that you want sex, that you made the wrong move, or that you’re weak or dependent. Sometimes it only means you miss something.
It’s not the same as loneliness
You can have a full social calendar and still miss physical closeness, or feel lonely without missing touch. They often come together, but they’re different needs.
When to see someone
If low mood, poor sleep or withdrawal last for weeks, talk to your GP (huisarts). Those symptoms have many causes, and they deserve proper care, not only a hug.
Why moving abroad takes touch away
- Your touch network stays behind. Family, old friends and the people you hug without thinking live in another time zone.
- New friendships take time. Dutch social life can feel friendly but planned. It can take a while before a colleague becomes someone you’d hug.
- Direct dating culture. Dating apps can feel transactional, and a date that’s about more than a drink can feel like pressure when you just want closeness.
- A partner who’s busy, or no partner at all. If you followed someone here and they work long hours, or you came alone, the gap can be bigger than you expected.
Options in the Netherlands, starting with the non-sexual ones
There’s no single answer, and the first options here have nothing to do with me.
Shared meals
Stichting Eet Mee matches people for informal dinners at someone’s home, a gentle way to be in a room with others again.
Expat communities
InterNations and local expat groups organise meetups in Amsterdam, Utrecht, The Hague, Eindhoven and other cities. Friendship is where most everyday touch comes from.
Massage or a cuddle professional
A regular professional massage gives safe, non-sexual touch. There are also professional cuddlers who offer platonic touch with clear rules.
Counselling for expats
If homesickness and loneliness weigh on you, Expat Nest offers online counselling for expats in several languages. Your GP can refer you locally.
When what you miss is a man’s closeness
For some women, what’s missing is more specific: a man’s arm around them, falling asleep against someone, feeling desired again, without the uncertainty of dating. That’s where I come in, and only if you want that.
I’m Milan, an independent male escort in the Netherlands for women aged 21 and over (and couples). No agency. You message me directly, in English. An evening can be only conversation and being held. Intimacy is never “included” just because the clock is running, and you can stop at any moment. I’m STI-tested and safe sex is standard. A date is from €120 for one hour; overnight is €600, which is what waking up next to someone means. All rates are on male escort rates in the Netherlands.
More for newcomers: male escort for expat women, the boyfriend experience and first time hiring a male escort. If you’re not sure whether this is for you, a question is fine. A message is not a booking.
If it’s more than missing touch
If you have thoughts of suicide, you can talk to 113 Suicide Prevention, free, on 0800-0113, also in English. In an emergency, call 112.
Sources and further reading
These are the sources I used, or that I think are worth your time.
- Royal Society Open Science – Social touch deprivation during COVID-19 (von Mohr et al., 2021)
- The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center – What is skin hunger?
- Expat Nest – online counselling for loneliness
- Stichting Eet Mee – eating, meeting, experiencing
- InterNations – expat community
- 113 Suicide Prevention
Frequently asked questions
What is skin hunger?
Skin hunger, or being touch-starved, is the longing for warm, wanted physical contact such as a hug or someone next to you. It is not a medical diagnosis, but it is a recognisable feeling, and touch has both physical and psychological effects.
Why do expats feel touch-starved?
Because the people who used to touch you, family and old friends, are far away, and new friendships in a new country take time before they include hugs or physical closeness.
Is skin hunger the same as loneliness?
No. They are related but different. You can be surrounded by people and still miss touch, or feel lonely without missing touch specifically.
What can I do about skin hunger in the Netherlands without dating?
Shared dinners through Stichting Eet Mee, expat meetups such as InterNations, a regular professional massage, a professional cuddler, or counselling for expats such as Expat Nest.
Can I book a male escort just to cuddle?
Yes. With me an evening can be only conversation and being held. Nothing is expected because the clock is running, and you can stop at any moment.
What does it cost?
From €120 for one hour. Two hours is €200, three to four hours €300–400 and an overnight stay €600. No travel costs within the Netherlands except for Zeeland, Friesland, Groningen and Drenthe.
Is Milan a therapist?
No. I am an independent male escort. If loneliness or low mood lasts for weeks, please talk to your GP or a counsellor.
Who can book?
Women aged 21 and over, and couples. You message me directly on WhatsApp, in English or Dutch.
Milan · 21+
Want to ask something first?
You can message me in English with only a question. A first name is enough, and a message is not a booking.
21+. Independent. A message is not a booking.